HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIH!!!! tihana

I love you to bits and hope you enjoy your day :)

Josh wants to play a birthday song for you :) and maybe more ;)

Ok those fuckers at the hopsital can kiss my ass....they are liars! They gave me false hope!!! and they don't give a shit about us..even when your world is shattering around you they'd rather make you out to be a wacko who needs therapy and drugs than actually go out of their way to help. I can't even talk about what happened today to actual people coz I will cry..so LJ will have to do *shuts down*

The new eppy's of 24 rocked!!! 2 more tonight!! that should help me calm down a little.
Until tomorrow..when I'm back at the hospital :( *SCREAMS!!!!!*

I'm sorry I haven't posted in ages, I see that a few people have been worried about me.

Hows things going?...well do you really want me to answer that?....you sure? lol

One word....HELL! thats the word that sums up the past 6 months. Xmas was crappy, life is just crap!

I was told back in October that they were gonna try some SSRI drugs (antidepressants) because some of them can surpress chronic dizziness, I've already tried one and it gave me nothing but aggrivation. But the catch is...I have to wait til the middle of March before I even get seen :( bollocks to all of the NHS!!!

I'm now trying accupuncture and after one session my dizziness has gotten severely worse...I give up! and it bloody costs an arm and a leg just for one session..grrr!!

I'm losing the will once again!

I will be glad to see the back of 2006, because it has been the worse year ever.

On a happy note, I hope all of you have a great new year and live life to the full :) Thanks for all your support and care, it means more than you'll ever know.

And all the people that sent me xmas cards and gifts..thank you so much!! *HUGS*

Thats all for now.

I apologise to anyone that comes across this entry in their friends page..really I do.

I'm so bloody pissed off I could strangle someone.

After my Aunt died my anxiety and depression hit a all time low and I ended up completely freaking out. I'm now taking a medication similar to prozac..started taking it last week. I'm sick to death of the side effects...nausea, no appetite, more dizziness, more anxiety, more irritability...I'm like a bomb waiting to go off.

I started the higher dose today and I'm just fed up with it all. I knew this was going to happen and I know that I just have to put up with it for a little longer. but grrrrrrr!!!!!!

and it doesn't help that its 36 degrees today *punches wall*

Hey everyone!

I'm just checking in to say hi. I've had a really dreadful few days. I feel restless and empty....I can't really describe it. My Aunt's funeral is on thursday but I won't be going because my illness won't allow it grrrrr!!!

I was really ill yesterday with my allergies, was so dizzy I could barely stand up. And not one person I know with hayfever was sneezing the slightest. Just my luck eh!

I got a letter last week saying that my hospital appointment, which I had waited 6 months for has now been delayed a further 2 months :( I swear these people don't care that people really suffer with this illness, as long as they don't have it themselves, how could they possibly understand. 2 months is like a lifetime for me. By the time I go it will be nearly 2 years that I've been doing Vestibular therapy and look where its got me...nowhere!

They have the nerve to say that only people with severe problems get surgery to correct it...what..so constant dizziness 24/7 for 2 years is not severe enough for them? being out of work for 2 years, with no social life, and having a complete nervous breakdown is not serious? I can feel it all boiling up and come October heads are gonna roll.

I guess I'm so angry over my Aunt's death, it has made me especially sensitive about everything. I swear one minute I'm ok and then the next I'm snapping at people or almost punching a wall.

I don't really know what to say anymore. I just wanna tear my head off.

before I go...thank you for my text Yvonne sweet_honeygirl It was nice to hear from you *hugs*

I just wanna say thank you for everyone's kind words regarding my Aunt's death *hugs you all tight*

Its hard to believe that 8 weeks ago she was walking 5 miles a day and looking foward to a nice relaxing holiday *cries*

But at least she's not in pain anymore.

I feel so empty and numb. I won't be posting much this week, I need some time.

But I couldn't go without posting another Firefly eppy for trystan830

I also have the finale of Dark Angel if anyones interested

Firefly - 1x09 - Ariel

Dark Angel - Season finale - Freak Nation

*cries*

She's gone :(

I have uploaded an episode of Firefly for trystan830...hun I hope it works ok. If anyone is interested please feel free to download it too.

I will be uploading episodes 9-14 tonight and tomorrow, but for now I have one episode.

Firefly - 1x08 - Out of Gas

I am so sick of everything! I swear I'm gonna lose my mind. Another day of panic attacks and feeling so dizzy I can barely keep from throwing up. And this has gone on for 2 whole years...not a minutes rest from feeling this way. Lifes a fucking evil bitch!

Hey guys!

Firstly I wanna say how much I appreciate everyone's support these past few weeks *hugs you all tightly*

I'm seriously fed up with feeling ill all the time, I just can't escape it. And its 32 degrees here in London and pollen count is high...its complete hell for me. Dizziness+allergies+heat=hell

I sent my Aunt something to cheer her up, though it breaks my heart that I can't manage the 7 hour drive to see her. With the dizziness and anxiety I would probably collapse.

My best friend bought me Details magazine..which features the hottest guy ever..... Josh Holloway *screams* It really cheered me up.

I had a dream last night about Jensen Ackles and Michael Weatherly *woot* now I'm not sure if they were Alec and Logan or just as normal...who cares..they're both totally hot!! I need to have more dreams like that ;)

I feel like watching House of Wax (Liat has totally got me in the mood for it) but my friend has it *cries*

I'm off to throw water over myself and then I'm going to watch Buffy :p

And OMG don't you just love my icon...seriously...Jensen was made for sex...he should be permanently attatched to a bed LOL naked and ready to serve me of course ;)